Technology Essay

Draft 1 10/15/19

Final draft 10/24/19

Framing statement:

In this essay, I believe fulfilled all the learning outcomes that were set at the beginning of the semester. I integrated many, if not all, of my own ideas and experiences with those of the authors we read for this section. Each one of my body paragraphs incorporates quotations from the assigned authors. I also do not separate the authors by paragraph, but instead use multiple different authors in the same paragraph. For instance, my first body paragraph contains quotes from both Turkle and Ricthel. Over the course of writing this essay, it has changed immensely, the paragraph structure and even order has changed to give an improved flow to the essay. My last body paragraph, the positives of technology, was originally my first body paragraph. My peers and myself came to the conclusion that it would work better at the end of the essay. There have been many drafts and versions of my essay over the writing period. I believe all my quotations and works were cited properly in accordance to MLA format. Due to the in class workshop, I was able to read through my trouble sentences and improve upon them greatly, improving the essay as a whole. My peers were also helpful in the process and even helped me improve a sentence before the workshop. 

Happiness Essay

Draft 1 9/17/19

Final draft 9/25/19

Framing Statement:

Looking back on my essay, I am proud of many parts of it. I feel that I worked well with the texts even if it was not by quoting each text extensively. I believe that I took the ideas of the authors and incorporated then with my own.  I also believe that the organization of my essay is good. There are some paragraphs that could use some tweaking but overall I enjoy how the essay flows. Another aspect of my essay I believe is good is the idea that I provided counter arguments to what the professors and myself believes. I gave the outside perspective on relationships through Gilbert. I challenged the importance of money in happiness. One downfall that is apparent is that i did not relate my thesis to the audience as often as I would have liked. I mentioned them once in the introduction. I believe that my essay in strong in the global level.

On the local level I could not find many basic mistakes such as grammar, spelling, and puntucation but I am sure there is some. The MLA in-text and works cited page is formatted correctly. There was one sentence that did not flow right to my peers that were revising my essay. When reading through my essay there are some sentences that have this same effect on me. I wish I spent a bit more time fine tweaking my essay by choosing different words or maybe introducing a strategy that I am unfamiliar with, but I am still confident that it is a good essay. Overall I believe this is a good essay. The essay flows just as I would hope even though it is not structured in the traditional format.